News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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