apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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