she was so not down for the gang bang
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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