i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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