I wannas sexs uuuuu
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
