he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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