Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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