why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
