You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
How external is "for external use only"?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
