i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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