I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
