you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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