do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize