I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize