garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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