I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
