Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
