either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
