My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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