Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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