Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
