Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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