I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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