ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Randomize
