My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
