It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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