I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
