so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
oh god the rape fog is back!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
