Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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