I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize