Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
