Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
