It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
