either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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