also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
