good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
