You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
