The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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