I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
