While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
