last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Sober January is a disaster.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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