he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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