ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
