so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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