I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
