Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
