the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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