lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
what day is it and did you see me today?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
