I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Randomize
