Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
