it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
