FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
