Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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