the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
