hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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