Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize