so that wasnt chicken after all
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
