see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
