Umm I'm too high to move.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
