so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
