If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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