make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
