he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
