the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
