If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
