my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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