I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just found puke in my bra..
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
