My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
