the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
