I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
the day after is always just damage control
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
